Olivia's birth mom, Amanda, was kind enough to share some of her feelings. We love Amanda and she will always be part of our family and my best friend.
Olivia's birth mom's perspective
Hello everyone, Danee and I have talked about this for a while and we decided that it was a good idea to share my side of our journey. And of course, it is my favorite story for obvious reasons . But the hardest part is figuring out where to start:
At the beginning of my pregnancy adoption had never crossed my mind. I loved this baby without a doubt. But as time went on things began to become more real, I began to feel more and more inadequate. I knew I would be a great mother without a doubt to this baby, but because of my beliefs, deep down I knew she deserved better than that. I felt hopeless and worthless. I said a prayer that I will never ever forget, asking for guidance, for not only myself, but most importantly for this sweet innocent baby. I promised Him that I would do whatever He asked of me. I didn't want to think about my feelings, wants, or desires. She deserves the world. Within minutes of saying this prayer, I received an email from my caseworker about a family hoping to adopt. I pulled up the email. A picture showed up. Right when I looked at the woman in the photo and as I made eye contact with this complete stranger, a very overwhelming feeling came over me and I KNEW, this was supposed to be her mom. I cried and cried and cried. These people were suppose to be her eternal parents. I felt complete peace. As hard as it was to look another woman in the eye and know she is the woman chosen to be the mother of your child, I just knew. And when I met them I knew exactly why. They are simply amazing. I needed them and they needed me. We clicked. No questions asked. And Our friendship grew stronger as the few weeks went on, as we waited for this miracle baby girl.
On July 4th, 2014, I called the Lowry's at 4 pm telling them my water had broke. And at 11:59, July 4th, I finally got to hear the sweetest cry there ever was. Olivia Lou had entered the world and was placed on my chest. Those moments are simply indescribable. I finally could comprehend what a perfect love was. She is everything I could have dreamed of and more. A perfect healthy beautiful baby girl. The Lowry's came that night and it was so special. But reality hadn't set in yet. I held her all night and all the next day. I was blessed to have my family there and a few visitors. As the time went on, I started to realize what I had to do and I was overcome with emotion. The Lowry's were so kind and respectful for allowing me to have this alone time with Olivia. I can never thank them enough. Sunday morning came, the day of discharge. I held her as tight as I could and prayed with her. This sweet angel was perfect and she looked exactly like me. How was I suppose to do this and not run the other way? Heavenly Father blessed me beyond measure when it was time for placement. Angels surrounded me when I placed Olivia in Danee's arms. We all cried together. I did what I knew was right, despite my pain, wants, and heart break. I can't describe the feelings that overcame me for the next few days. But I know I had a strength that wasn't my own. I have truly been blessed. Although I am fully aware of my mistakes, I feel honored that The Lord trusted me at a time when I felt worthless. I feel honored that Olivia has allowed me to be her birth mom and in her life. She has helped shape me into the person I have always wanted to be. The love I have for her is never ending. I was able to give her the life she deserves with Rob and Danee Lowry. They are incredible parents. We aren't best friends because we HAVE to be. We CHOOSE to be. God is Good. He loves us all and is fully aware of our needs. Open adoption is amazing. And how rewarding it is to see a family of two grow into a family of three. I love the Lowry crew!
With love, Amanda (Proudly Olivia's birth mom)
Heavenly Father has a plan of happiness for all of us...what an amazing gift of love!
ReplyDeleteThese words will mean the world to that treasured baby one day.
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